M.I.A

I hate to confess, but I have been hiding out - kind of.  I have been hiding away with my tail tucked between my legs because I have failed. I have been hiding from not only you, but from me also.  I have not wanted to confess to myself or others that I failed.  I gave myself a 30-Day Challenge and I failed.  I did OK for most of it, but the last week was a total bust!  There was lack of motivation, school started with financial aid and registration issues, work, and blah blah blah whine whine whine.......  Bottom line......I didn't do what I set out to do and I have been hiding out not wanting to face the music. 

Now what have I done to redeem myself, you ask??  Have I gotten up, dusted myself off, geared up and hit the pavement?  Have I dealt with it by bonding with my yoga mat?  NO, I have not.  I have done what I always seem to do and just did nothing. 

I am so tired of just doing nothing.  Just because I don't succeed in the way that I hoped doesn't mean I totally failed.  What makes me totally fail is the fact that I didn't get up and keep moving forward!  I am so frustrated with me right now!  I have started a blog, made aims to better me, gotten a trainer, run a couple races and because this challenge didn't go as well as I thought, I just give up??  That is NOT how I want to be. 

So how how how am I going to redeem myself.  I don't know  yet, but I know it has to be something personal and realistic for me and something I really want to do.  I am mulling over a mileage challenge - you know, like x-miles in x-days - but I don't know yet.  I am going to think about it and decide by the end of the week. 

I think one thing I am going to do is to try to find a running group.  I have friends I can run with, but I honestly think I am too comfortable with them and so I don't let them push me.  I think (and hope) that if I were to find a group of "strangers" to run with, I would feel I have to keep up and therefore would push myself harder.  That is my theory anyway. 

Like I said, I am not positive of what I want to do yet.  I have a couple of ideas floating around, but nothing in stone.  We shall see.....





"It is his capacity for self-improvement and self-redemption which most distinguishes man from the mere brute."

~AUNG SAN SUU KYI, Freedom from Fear