A Journey to Find Healthy Happyness

Things that Make You Go......DAMN

2011-07-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

There have been times when events occur in my life that can contribute to me feeling more crappy about my "situation" (aka weight/appearance/size).

Some "random" examples would be......

a man in the grocery store talking about how he wants to be sure his female friend eats the best that THEN looks at me and says, "but you don't have to worry about that, do you?"
a co-worker (who is know for his "brutal honesty") commenting on, and even touching, my belly and noting that "that's new, right?"
a different co-worker asking if I am going to have another munchkin soon. When I adamantly say NO, it is then that I realize she thought I was already with fetus
my favorite pair of jeans wearing a hole in the mid-thigh
my son noting how "really BIG" I am. Kids....they say the darnedest things.....right??
complimenting a friend that has, since I saw her last, slimmed down that she looks so great to have her follow with "and so do you....." when we both knew at that moment that she was being polite.
seeing someone I haven't seen in a while for her to ask, "you having another one?" and rubbing her belly to clarify what she meant.

All these things could have a negative impact on me in a very big way. They could, but they usually don't. I usually just absorb it and let it roll off my back. I don't let it crush me like I probably want to let it because then it would show that it actually bothered me. Who would want that??

But tonight.......I feel like I hit bottom. Tonight......the straw that broke the camel's back. Tonight one of my most dreaded fears happened...........

My daughter, my sweet princess, told me that my "belly is really big. It looks like [I] have a baby in there." That killed me. It broke me. It was the one thing I never wanted to hear from my babies - truth or not.

You see.....I asked someone once when I was a small child if she had a baby in her belly. When I was told no, I asked "well why is your belly big like that?" To this, she replied....."because I'm FAT" I have never ever forgotten that day and the look on her face and the feeling I immediately had that I had asked a bad thing. Since gaining my weight back, I have dreaded my innocent, honest children making the same type of comment to me.

I am pretty sure I know why I have dreaded it. I knew that if they said it, I could no longer pretend or be in denial that its not that bad. I knew that if they said it, it is truth - pure truth. And you know what they say...... The Truth Hurts.

Thoughts.....

2011-07-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

Most days, I feel like this.......

And yet, to remedy this issue, I......

More than I hate how I look, I fear this........

And still, I continue.......

For the record, Its NOT WORKING. Its only making me more miserable. Something has gotta give.

So now, the question of the day/week/month/year is......

OR ???

What's it going to be??

What do I want?

What am I GOING to DO???

What road am I going to choose for ME?????????

Straight Up

2011-06-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

I am sure you have noticed, but I have been off the radar lately. I have thought about writing - about what I would say, how I feel, where I am at right now in my journey to HEALTHY Happyness. I have received emails from some of you and for that, I am grateful. So to answer a few questions - yours as well as my own...... Here goes.....

How am I? How do I feel? BUSY is the first word that comes to mind. TIRED would be a super close second. I am still working and going to school in addition to of course, being a mama and wifey. I have also started volunteering (in ALL my free time). I am super busy, almost always tired (and lacking sleep), and [mostly] happy. That "HEALTHY Happyness" issue is constantly in the front of my mind. This would be the part of the happy factor that makes it only "mostly."

I struggle with this so much, because while I hate/loathe/despise/abhor/detest (okay, you get it) my physical appearance and largeness thereof, I am doing nothing to fix it. I eat poorly. I don't drink water. I do not exercise. I have constant stress. I am constantly lacking sleep.

I started Weight Watchers, lost 10 lbs and then just lost motivation and stopped. I really, seriously considered doing Team In Training to complete my half marathon goal. I told the recruiter I was coming, then got scared of the commitment and never showed up. I notice how I am more tired (read: lazy), less happy, and HATE mirrors and cameras more and more every day.

I don't even go around my "healthy" friends so much anymore because I am sure that they are thinking "OMG! She is getting SO FAT. Yuck! Gross! How sad. What a lazy, fat-ass pig she's turned into! She used to be getting soooo beautiful!" Oh wait, those are my thoughts.

Yes, I am so aware of all of these things within myself, I KNOW how to fix it, and I have MANY people around me that will help me along the way. But what am I doing?? Sitting at the computer, just finished my Hardee's chicken tenders and drinking some fruit punch (not diet). I hate myself (well, my physical self) and yet, I have no drive to get up and change.

I want to lose weight. I want to get healthy. I want to look in the mirror and love (no, I'd settle for accept) what I see. BUT.......I just don't FEEL like doing it! THAT pretty much sums up my current feelings about getting my shit together. No, it is EXACTLY how I feel about it. I have pondered if I am accepting my current status, but something way in there says "Hell NO!" I don't think I've accepted it and settled with it. I just have done nothing about it - plain and simple.

So where have I been lately? The answer is clear. I have been hiding out, not wanting to face my own faults and getting fatter and more UN-Healthy and more UN-Happy about ME as a result.

I am sorry if you were looking for that motivating, empowering statement about how I'm going to do better and I can do it and we all can do it, because I just don't have it in me these days. I really don't. I'm not sure what it will take for me to get it back, I just know that today......I. Don't. Have. It.

I have been thinking that maybe I should stop blogging if this is how I feel. Hell, maybe I shouldn't even have written today...... I guess I just wanted to reach out to my peeps and say "Hey there! I'm alive. I'm doing.....okay. I haven't forgotten you either."

No excuses, no promises, no sugar-coating. Just me.

Gratitude

2011-01-02T17:20:00.000-08:00

I must say that I am so encouraged by the messages you all have been sending me since my last post. I often find that I feel alone in this journey - like no one understands. YES.....I know this is crazy because I read blog after blog about people that I know understand my struggle. But your messages to me and all the comments have reminded me that I am not alone in this. There are many, many, MANY of us out there trying to get healthier, reach goals, and work on Self. I am not alone. I just need to ask. for. help. I need to reach out. Ask and you shall receive, right?

Anyway, thanks for being here. Thanks for reading. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone and that I CAN do this - WE can do this.

It'll just take a little blood (maybe), lotsa sweat, and probably a few tears along the way.

God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through.
~Author Unknown

Good question.....

2010-12-30T16:14:00.000-08:00

I received a Christmas card from a bloggy friend that posed this question......

"Could there possibly be a 1/2 marathon in your 2011?" My immediate thought that day was, 'Probably NOT'. Today...my thought is, 'I don't know.... Could there??'

I have thought about this question EVERY day since I read it.

I have thought and thought.....

....about what I want. Do I want to run a half marathon? Do I want to run anymore? If I don't want to run, then what am I gonna do, because I've GOTTA.DO.SOMETHING.

....about what I think is possible for me. Am I able to commit mentally, physically, emotionally, logistically to training for this race?

....about what I think Coach T would think if I went to her about this. What would she say? Would she be totally sick of me? Would she not even want to bother with the wish-washy running person? Would SHE feel it is possible for me? No, she is not heartless or mean, but she is HONEST and will tell me pretty much like it is. So really, my worry is that she is gonna say what I know she is gonna say - what I am not sure I want to hear.

....and mostly, I have thought about how I will feel with myself if I do not complete this goal for myself. I did not run the 8k I planned on running. I am not running the 15k I was planning on running. How will it feel to not complete yet another goal - the BIGGEST goal of them all??? I must say I felt pretty crappy about not running the 8k in November, even though it wasn't really my fault (there was a mandatory work schedule change) and I feel pretty "Ugh" about not running the 15k.

I haven't "written" here for a little over 2 months. Since then I have gained almost......*deeeeeeeeeeeep sigh* 20 pounds. This is 20 lbs on top of allllllllll those other pounds I already had and need to rid myself of. I started taking a new medication and this is a potential side effect that I was unaware of. I am 100% sure that me stopping my running was 100% NOT helpful with this at all.

I must say that the self-esteem thing is.........damn near non-existent at this point. I SO need a boost right now. The fact that I have gained weight, not lost it, is affecting so much with me right now. It is so difficult to just be me - to be happy and bubbly and feel good. I am depressed and feel 'icky'. Mirrors? Not an option if I can help it. Scales? Not really. "Fitness" friends? Not a whole lot.

Today in the grocery store I saw a lady that was much bigger than I am and my thought was, "Oh my gosh. I can NOT end up like her." Two days ago, my ankle started bothering me and I really couldn't think of a reason why - hadn't hit it, twisted it, fallen or anything. I chalked it up to - fat ass.

I feel like my slump has gone from hole to canyon and I am at best walking with the person carrying the shovel. I realized a few days ago that I. Feel.....Hopeless. I feel like I will always struggle with my weight. I feel like there is no hope for me so what is the damn point. I feel (and fear) like I will always be the fat one in the group. Sometimes I think I eat "bad" things because I feel like "whats the point anymore".

I don't want to feel this way ANY MORE! I want to feel great and strong. I want to be someone that people look up to and mention in their blogs (I know....silly). I want to be like those that I admire. So.....why can't I have that? Why CAN'T I do it?? Why HAVEN'T I done it is more like it.

So......is there......could there possibly be a 1/2 marathon in MY 2011?????

"Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense."
~ Thomas A. Bennett

2010-10-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

I am what one might consider to be.....a whiner. It is my least favorite trait about myself, however, no matter what, I find myself going back to being the "Wendy Whiner" that I am. Most days, I find my whining totally understandable, but then I still think....."So WHAT! Just get OVER it!!"

So WHAT you go to school!
So WHAT you work 24+ hours a week!
So f*cking WHAT that you have 2 kids!
So WHAT you are tired!
So WHAT you don't feel like it!
SO. F*CKING. WHAT.

So what?? So WHAT? So what now? So WHAT are you gonna do about it? So WHAT am I going to do now?

In all honesty......right now??? At this very moment?? I don't know. I simply don't know...

Gu Winner

2010-10-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

What's that you ask......??

Who won the Gu???

Well, out of 15 entries, random.org chose number 3.

Here is the winning entry:

"I really want to try their new Watermelon Chomps!"

So.......

Michele from Running with Attitude

Email me with your info and I will get your Gu out to you!

Thanks for reading!

Perfect? That's crazy!

2010-10-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

There are moments, as a parent, that I am not particularly proud of my mothering skills. We all have these moments as parents, mother or father. Today, is one of those days. Lately, my 3- and 4-year old have given up naps. I, like many parents (especially the "stay-at-home type) cherish nap time. It is a time when if nothing else, I get a B-R-E-A-K from the munchkins. I am able to restore the energy they have sucked out of me during the morning. I can clean-up the mess they made. But most of all, it is QUIET.

The past couple of weeks, it is clear that naps are now over in my house. I am trying oh so hard to implement "quiet time" where they go to there room and read or play quietly for X amount of time so that I can "pretend" they are sleep and still have a break from them.

Side note: I feel like I sound horrible. Don't get me wrong, I love my munchkins with all that I am, but they exhaust me. Plus, they don't go to school (mostly because we only have one car and are frequently stuck home), so unlike many mommies I know, I get no break from them unless I am going to work or school or......bed, and for me, those don't count. So, because they don't go to school and we are home much of the time, I have to find things to keep everyone happy and out of Trouble - and all-day television is not an option.

Now, as I was saying, my goal is for quiet time to be a calm time for us - me & them - to have a break from each other so I don't go crazy. That is working, except for one thing.......they won't stay away. They go to their room (which they share) and constantly keep coming out. It is driving. Me. Crazy!!! Without going into a crazy-momma rant, lets just say that

quiet time in the bedroom + continuing to come out of the room = NO BREAK FOR MOM

And let me tell ya, this makes for one bitchy me by about 5p.m. A Bitchy me means that by the time we are finished with dinner and moving toward bedtime at 6:30/7:00, I am like "the Wicked Bitch of the East", as I so affectionately have called myself. I find myself snapping at the kids because all I want is for them to go to bed and STAY there until morning. Actually, I just want them out of my face. I begin to feel claustrophobic with kids, like they are multiplying or something, but no, still only 2. I start to feel anxious and just want OUT. A lot of times, they ask me, "Mommy, why are you so mad?" And I can't answer them because the part of me that loves them knows the real truth would hurt them - and me. So I just say (while clinching my teeth), "I'm not mad. I just want children to listen." while I'm thinking, "because I want you to go the f*** to bed and leave me alone!" I know, I know, horrible, right?

Mostly, I truly do consider myself a rock-star mom. I may not be the best student or runner, but I know just as sure as I am typing this that I am an awesome mommy. However, even awesome mommies are human, which means not perfect. I just hate feeling like I do at the end of the day. I want to calmly put my kids to bed and truly feel good about it all. I don't want to feel like I am ready to get rid of them.

Not every day is like this, but lately, with no naps and no quality time to myself, I am T-I-R-E-D. The only break I get lately is to go to work or school, and lets be real - that is not a break. I don't know quite yet how to fix it, but I do know I want to do different. I want to make 'quiet time' a success. I want to feel different at the end of the day. *sigh* I want to not beat myself up for being human because parenting isn't perfect.

Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
~Sam Levenson

Gotta Have It!

2010-10-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

My last couple of runs have been.............well, painful. My Achilles tendon/soleus area have felt SO tight while running. To make it worse, if I try to walk to stretch it out or rest them, it just gets worse. I was pretty much freaking out during today's run because I couldn't figure out if I was injured or just had tired, under conditioned legs. If it was injury, running more wasn't a good idea - tired legs, I should push through.

So.....I decided it was tired legs and kept going. When I stopped, my legs felt like they were going to spasm up on me - OUCH! The cool-down walk back to the house was pretty rough.

I immediately stretched - a lot and then cooled down. I probably should have, but I didn't ice my legs. I just couldn't figure out what the heck is going on with my legs! What are the odds that it just happens that both of my legs were injured in the same place at the same time - in my mind, not very likely. So then WHAT could be wrong?

Then it occurred to me that dehydration can cause muscle cramping. Hmmmm...... could it be??? Lets be real...... I am a habitual non-water drinker. I mean, I do okay when I force myself to be aware, but I am not always great at being aware. The bottom line is - runner or no runner - we NEED to drink water. And including the title of runner means that you need it just that much more.

I am not sure, but I am assuming that dehydration can contribute to injury. I know I have read that it can cause harder runs and it can cause muscle cramps, so maybe, just maybe the answer to my problemo may be.....

Not sure what makes me think that......

Check this out..... it shows things water does for our bodies.

Wow! Thirsty yet???

“I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.”
~Greek proverb

GU Giveaway

2010-10-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have been gifted with a stash of GU Energy Products from Outside PR and I love it!! My personal favorite is the Chocolate Outrage and the Espresso Love - yum!

I also really like GU Chomps. They are like fruit snacks - easy to transport and way easy to eat. I could see that they may be more difficult to eat during a run than the gels because of the way they are packaged.

My favorite of the GU Brew was the Recovery Orange Pineapple. I am notorious for running without hydrating properly (yes, I know, you can beat me later), so the recovery brew helps so much after my runs.

Pretty much, GU is just yummy goodness that gives me what I need to perform as well as I can. It isn't heavy. It also doesn't cause any tummy distress during the run. Can you really beat that?

I love it so much, I feel I must spread the love. I have shared it with my kids - they double LOVE it (if you don't believe me, read THIS). I have also shared it with my good friend, Mer. Now, who else should I share it with?? I can think of no one better than the wonderful folk that so nicely read my ramblings (you deserve a reward for that, in my opinion) Unfortunately, I can only share with one person, so you will simply have to fight for it.

Alright, Alright...... On to what you really want to know....

What will you win????

How do you win it????

It is pretty simple, just......

and......

Ways to Enter (One entry each)

Go to the GU Energy website and then come back here and tell me a product/flavor that you would like to try.

If you have already tried everything that GU has, tell me what your favorite product/flavor(s) is.

Become a follower of my blog (HERE) and comment that you did so.

Like GU Energy on Facebook (HERE) and comment letting me know.

Spread the word/Blab/Yell to the Hilltops about this giveaway (blog, email, Facebook, Twitter, snail mail, etc, etc, etc....). Let me know each thing that you have done. [One entry each]

Giveaway ends on October 17. The winner will be announced on October 18.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

2010-10-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all that entered my 50-50-50 Giveaway in hopes of winning a certificate to CSN to shop for fitness equipment, console tables, toys, clothes or whatever might tickle your fancy.

I had 26 entries and random.org so graciously selected number 19.

Here is number 19's comment.......

OH, I know another one, SCHEDULE it into your week. On Sunday I plan my entire week around my workout. Doesn't mean it always goes off without a hitch, but 9 times out of 10, I get all my workouts in (except CORE. I should do a 50-50-50 core challenge of my own.... hmmm).

So thanks for the awesome advice and CONGRATS

Momof3 of Neurosis of the Stay at Home Mom of 3.

You are the GRAND Prize winner!!

I will get in touch with you to get you your certificate!

Please allow me to grovel at your running shoes and apologize! I failed to realize that to actually publish a post on the blog, you actually have to click "Publish Post" (who knew??!). Lets chalk it up to my absent-minded brain that constantly surprises me with these little debacles.

Time's running out........

2010-09-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

Time is TICKING!!!

Enter my 50-50-50 Giveaway HERE to win $40 to spend at CSN.

Why not??

2010-09-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got back on board my journey to HEALTHY happyness. Let's face it, I am overall a pretty happy person so the HEALTHY is what I am looking for most. I ran my 1st run in a month and a half - craziness. It was GREAT! I ran with TWO kids in the stroller and it was still GREAT! It totally made me wonder why I ever slack off from running.

Typically, the cycle goes something like this:

Pick a race, get a plan, and start training
Train
Run Race
"Take a break" for X amount of time
Miss running and wish I were doing it again
Pick a new race, get a plan, and start training
Train
Run Race
Take another break for X amount of time
Repeat over and over

I honestly enjoy running. I don't enjoy racing so much, but I just take it as nature of the beast - plus, it helps keep me focused and goal-oriented. But....if I really enjoy running, WHY do I constantly go through the "on again - off-again" cycle. Is it because I dont really like it? Is it because I am lazy? Is it because running isn't really "the thing" for me? I don't think those are the answers, but I am not sure exactly what the answer(s) is.

So..... I looked up the top reasons that people stop exercising in hopes of finding a little insight for myself. Here is what I found. People stop exercising because.....

10) Desired results come too slow or they hit a plateau and stop seeing results -- I agree with this, but I don't think it really applies to me because I am encouraged by working harder to make results happen. If I plateau or feel its too slow, I have the knowledge base to know that I need to change my routine and/or add a new exercise to trick your metabolism.

9) Don't know what to do / don't know how to do the exercise -- Yeah.....this doesn't apply at all. I know what I want/like to do and I know pretty much how to run. I might not be a pro at it, but I know how to do it....

8) Have no one to exercise with -- Again.....not me. I enjoy/love/cherish my time running alone. It is just awesome. It is such peace and solitude and its just me and the pavement - no kids, no phone, no school, no work - just running. I enjoy the occasional run with others, but mostly, I am a lone-runner - and proud of it!

7) Injury -- I can agree with this, but it just doesn't apply to me now. I have had one injury from running and I didn't want to stop running. When I had to stop for a while, I could not wait to get back on the road. I felt I was being deprived!

6) No clear plan -- Ummmm.....I have no reason to not have a plan. T is my coach. She is kick ass and can spit out a training plan faster than a grocery list - trust me, I have witnessed it. I. Have. A. Plan.

5) Costs too much / Can't afford it -- Running can be a pretty inexpensive sport. Unless you are one that has to have all the gear and all the shoes, then yes, it can be expensive, but I do not spend that much.

4) No energy / too tired to exercise -- Sadly, many days I do feel like this, but I truly know that I will always feel better after than if I don't do it at all. So I am a 50/50 on this one.

3) Just hate to exercise -- Sure, some days.....hell to the YEAH.

2) Lack of Motivation -- I have said it before. I struggle with the M word all the time! I have goals and support and desire and a great plan but a lot of times, it just doesn't matter without MOTIVATION.

1) T-I-M-E (or lack thereof) -- DING Ding DING!!! This is definitely my #1 reason (and clearly many other folks'). I work, go to school, have 2 young children, lack of sleep and.........on and on and on. When is there time for running? Well, when is there time for it that doesn't take from the other stuff? Never if you look at it this way. There will never be time to run if I don't make it. Which means, I have to take from something (or someone) and give that time to me. I am worthy of taking time for myself and my health each day. We ALL are worthy! I work pretty darn hard every day and I deserve to give this time to myself! The others can wait. And you know, I find that if you demand this, you get it. But you have to demand it and want it and make it and take it.

So, MAKE time, find motivation (or hell, just pretend you have it) and JUST GET UP AND DO IT!!!! Do this and I figure, if nothing else, it'll just become a normal, regular thing - like laundry or washing dishes. That's what I am working on.

How about you????

50-50-50 Giveaway because Enough is ENOUGH!

2010-09-21T00:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, enough with the nonsense! Enough with excuses! Enough with the slacking! I have wasted a month and a half not running, yoga-ing, or exercising in any way and enough is ENOUGH!  I don't know why I struggle with fitness so much. I guess for the same reason that many of us do. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, huh?

Well, falling off the horse isn't what matters. What matters is that I get up and get back on. Here I am....getting back on the horse, so giddy-up!!! And right on time for my 50th post.......

As I said before, I have been thinking of a way to redeem myself from my last challenge and I think I've got it. I am commiting to running 50 miles in 50 days to celebrate my first 50 posts (and to keep myself goal-oriented. This should be an easy goal to conquer because I do have the Ntelos 8k coming up in November and 50 days takes me all the way to November 10th. The race is November 13th - pretty perfect if you ask me!  Between you and me, I am hoping to go well beyond the 50, but I will keep it simple - for now (don't want to sabotage myself).

I can not believe that this is my 50th post! I have only been back on my journey to Healthy Happyness, and writing on here about it, for a few months and already - 50 posts!

I have loved sharing all of my rambling thoughts on here. Hopefully, you have enjoyed reading them.

To celebrate my post-iversary, I am hosting a giveaway. CSN Stores has provided me with the goods to do it!  CSN Stores is an AWESOME website that offers practically anything you could want. They have 200+ websites for your browsing and shopping pleasures! I personally can vouch for how much they offer because I have recently won a giveaway from The (Mis) Adventures of a Jogging Stroller Mom. With my decisiveness, it took a lot of thought of what I should get. Since I have recently challenged myself to 30 Days of Fitness, this is what I chose:

I really love my new yoga mat. It is the color of chocolate. It is is so cushy and perfect! CSN is great! Originally, I ordered a 'workout mat' and when I got it, it was not what I thought I ordered. It was smaller (by a foot and a half) and it was very thick. When I contacted them, I had no problem returning the mat and re-ordering an actual yoga mat. Who knew a 'workout mat' and a 'yoga mat' are not the same? Not me, obviously! Now I have some new FIRM dvds and my new loved yoga mat! The dvds are okay, but not what I hoped for. I honestly just don't find them as challenging as I thought I would. I guess I just love my running and yoga!

Now..... Here is how YOU too can win some CSN moolah (if you are lucky.....)!

MANDATORY FOR ENTRY

Go check out ALL that CSN Stores has to offer. Come back and let me know what you would get if you had 40 bucks to spend.

Become a follower of my blog and let me know you did it.

FOR ADDITIONAL ENTRIES

Tell me what helps you get through fitness slumps, when and if you have them.

Post something on your blog linking back to this giveaway and let me know you did it.

Post on Facebook (or Twitter) linking back to this giveaway and let me know you did it.

NOTE: Multiple comments are not necessary (unless you just love to do it!) You are free to comment once and I will put you down for your entries.

Ends on October 7 and I will randomly select and announce the winner on October 8.

"I'm a Great Believer in Luck"

~Thomas Jefferson

M.I.A

2010-09-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

I hate to confess, but I have been hiding out - kind of. I have been hiding away with my tail tucked between my legs because I have failed. I have been hiding from not only you, but from me also. I have not wanted to confess to myself or others that I failed. I gave myself a 30-Day Challenge and I failed. I did OK for most of it, but the last week was a total bust! There was lack of motivation, school started with financial aid and registration issues, work, and blah blah blah whine whine whine....... Bottom line......I didn't do what I set out to do and I have been hiding out not wanting to face the music.

Now what have I done to redeem myself, you ask?? Have I gotten up, dusted myself off, geared up and hit the pavement? Have I dealt with it by bonding with my yoga mat? NO, I have not. I have done what I always seem to do and just did nothing.

I am so tired of just doing nothing. Just because I don't succeed in the way that I hoped doesn't mean I totally failed. What makes me totally fail is the fact that I didn't get up and keep moving forward! I am so frustrated with me right now! I have started a blog, made aims to better me, gotten a trainer, run a couple races and because this challenge didn't go as well as I thought, I just give up?? That is NOT how I want to be.

So how how how am I going to redeem myself. I don't know yet, but I know it has to be something personal and realistic for me and something I really want to do. I am mulling over a mileage challenge - you know, like x-miles in x-days - but I don't know yet. I am going to think about it and decide by the end of the week.

I think one thing I am going to do is to try to find a running group. I have friends I can run with, but I honestly think I am too comfortable with them and so I don't let them push me. I think (and hope) that if I were to find a group of "strangers" to run with, I would feel I have to keep up and therefore would push myself harder. That is my theory anyway.

Like I said, I am not positive of what I want to do yet. I have a couple of ideas floating around, but nothing in stone. We shall see.....

"It is his capacity for self-improvement and self-redemption which most distinguishes man from the mere brute."

~AUNG SAN SUU KYI, Freedom from Fear

Blah Blah Ugh!

2010-08-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much sums up my mood today - Blah. Mostly, I am tired and a little overwhelmed with my thoughts.

I am leaving my kids with a friend - a very wonderful friend - all day tomorrow because my cousin is being buried. 25 years into his life and he is gone. Just. Like. That. It is really tragic. For some reason I keep seeing him in my mind as the energetic, athletic, goofy little boy that he once was and what I keep thinking of most is his smile. He had so much energy and was full of life. He could run a football or play basketball like no one else I know and he had so much heart. My little cousin is gone You just never know what life will bring. We must all cherish our loved ones and even when we don't see people often, just drop a line and send some love and let them know they are loved and thought of because any of us can be gone in an instant - a blink of an eye. RIP George. I love you.

The fall semester started this week and because of issues with financial aid, my runs this week were replaced with 3 trips to the school in 2 days taking 3-4 hours of my time to ensure I had classes to take. I didn't get all my classes back, but I did get one (Sociology) and I also registered for Pre-calculus with Trigonometry. I have taken it before and got a B, but I want to up it to an A. Oh, did I mention that the Pre-calculus is an online class. Yes, its true - I am a dumb ass. I am pretty strong in math, so I think I will be okay, but not having someone show me how to do the problems in person may prove to be a little challenging. But.....I thought about it and I think I am up for the challenge. Plus, if I can do this and bust out with an A.....WOW! I will feel much more worthy of having G as my mentor.

I haven't worked out the past 2 days. I worked the last 2 nights, so with that, my many trips to the school and trying to sleep, I haven't had any time for exercise, much family time or anything else for that matter. I am 100% positive a run would do something wonderful for me right now, but I am not sure when I will get it in today, so I am going to do my next favorite thing - yoga. I know yoga will be good for me. I so SO <3 yoga. It is challenging, meditating, relaxing, and such a good workout. Plus....no matter what, just like a run, I always feel much better after doing it. I am dropping the kids off at 6:45 in the morning and I am thinking of squeezing in a run at "O'dark hour", as G would say. It will probably definitely help me prepare for all that the day will bring.

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
~Kenji Miyazawa

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-18T01:07:00.000-07:00

We all know of 'Wordless Wednesday'. I had something, so I figured I'd try it out and see how it goes.... Maybe you'll see it again..... Maybe you wont. Either way, enjoy!

Where's The Munchkin???

Find the He-Munchkin.....

Find the She-Munchkin.....

"Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language."
~Walt Disney

Monday's Medley (On Tuesday) ;-)

2010-08-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

A 'medley' by definition is "a mixture of things not usually placed together; heterogeneous collection; hodgepodge" or "a mixture of people or things of different kinds." I have given my Monday postings this title because they seem to be just that - a mixture of thoughts, ideas and/or topics. There will always be my past/upcoming week's mileage, but the rest.....is up in the air.

Monday's Medley has been MIA for a couple of weeks, but now....its back!

I am proud to say that with my 30-Day Challenge, I have been getting in my exercise pretty much daily. HOWEVER, I haven't put in a whole lot of mileage. But that is okay because the challenge was to "workout" every day, not necessarily run every day. Today is day 15, so that means I am at the HALFWAY mark! Wow! I have exercised 10 of the last 15 days. One night I sacrificed for date night w/ Mr. D, another was race night eve & I had a splitting tension headache. I can happily say that only 2 of the NON-workout days has it been because I was simply "lazy".

Coach T has assigned me to running 4 days a week and I really want to hit that mark. This week I am planning to run 3 more times.

One thing I do want to work on for the 2nd half of the challenge is to RUN more. Now that the Moonlight 4-miler race is complete,

I also faced my fear of running at night. I have never run at night before and it has been basically because of fear. What have I feared??

A) The dark?
B) That I have no 'night-running gear' and could get run down by a blind person driving at night?
C) The monsters that lurk in the shadows waiting for the lone runner?
D) A stray animal?

Hmmmm......?? All of those sound pretty accurate so I will go with E) All of the above.

Typically, my plan for an evening run goes like this:

I make the plan to run at X hour.
I think of it and mentally plan how my day will go so that I can run at X time
Get close to X time and realize I am way behind schedule.
Get to the point that I can go and realize it's "already dark" and that I "can't go out in the dark"
Shrug shoulders and just chalk it up as just another missed run.

Tonight was different. I decided that I committed, so I was going to do it. I just told Mr. D where I was going, planned a short, quick route in the neighborhood (in case I got spooked) and hit the road. It was okay. I ran it fast as I could since I was only running a very short run. It was fine - until someones wanna-be Cujo came after me anyway, but I survived that. It also started raining before I turned around & the rain actually made it hotter and much harder to breath. Uneven can't even begin to describe my breathing when I finished. But I am really glad I did it. I sucked it up and got out there and it was totally cool.

Here is my plan for the rest of the week:

Wednesday - Run
Thursday - Cardio Yoga
Friday - Run or FIRM Workout (OR both)
Saturday - Run
Sunday - Run

Have a Healthy, Happy Week!!

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
~Dale Carnegie

Moonlight 4-miler Race Report

2010-08-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

On Day 10 of my 30 Day Challenge, I checked off a box of my To Do List and ran the Moonlight 4 Miler. I must say that, mentally, I just wasn't feeling it, but there was no way I could not go. So I went, and here is how it was.....

I was pretty anxious in general about the race, as I am about pretty much any race. To add to my normal anxiety, they were calling for storms on race day. On top of not having the mental motivation to race, I was faced with the looming threat of thunder storms. Lately, around here, with the heat and humidity, we no longer get rain, we get WTF, power-losing, boom-boom kind of storms. I was in NO WAY looking forward to that. Anyway, I left the house and it was pouring rain outside. The weather was horrific. All I could think as I drove was, "There is something really wrong with this picture. Driving to run a race in this." Want to see exactly what "this" is?? Take a look....

See what I'm talkin' about?? Something a bit uncomforting about driving to your race in THAT. When out in this type of weather, typically words that come to mind are something like nap, snuggle, pajamas, snooze, sofa, home...... NEVER, EVER has the word race come to mind - not once.... But still, on I drove.....

Thanks to wrong directions (and an extremely urgent need to empty my bladder), I felt a little tense when I got there, but I found Coach T right away, so that was great. Right away, we took this picture (no cameras on rainy race day....)....

Yes, we are adorable..... Thank you for noticing!!

We checked out registration, which wasn't ready yet because of the rain, I found a port-a-potty and then we went back to wait in T's car, where we found Earth Momma Mer. We hung out a bit in the car, then took a quick picture before picking up our bibs.

We realize at race start that this is gonna be a steamy one, but there was ice cream at the end, so just run for the cold tasty treat! The race starts and of course, we see T for about 30-45 seconds before she disappeared in the crowd. The first half of the race was pretty good. Mer and I just ran easy catching up on life.

The course was supposed to be "flat" and "out & back". It was neither. While the hills were not super steep, they were constant up/downs. We went out, hit the turn around, and I thought the turn around came pretty fast, but figured we were headed for the finish. I was WRONG. We passed the turn for the finish and continued on for I didn't know how much more. So that "out and back" was actually, out, back, down and back again. That is such a throw off for me mentally. If you say out and back, please be out and back because when I run out, and turn to go back, I expect to be stopping at the finish from there.

So, mentally, the 3rd mile was pretty tough for me and I realized at that point that I need to work on the mental stuff. How to overcome when you just aren't making it mentally. Because we all know that no matter how tired our body is, if you can beat the mental, you can push through and do so much more than you ever think you can.

It started to downpour again at about 2.5 miles. Really, what would a rainy race have been without downpour, right? It was gross, but kind of nice because it cooled me off a little. We caught up w/ T about a 1/2 mile from finish. She ran with me in and Mer took off to the finish. I finished as strong as I could and of course, I am so glad I did it. I have not run 4 miles in almost 3 years, so I am very proud of me.

I decided, in post-run conversation, that next race, I may find someone to "battle" with on the course. You know, someone that is around my speed that I can "race" all the way to the finish. I wonder if that will work for me.

So, I am another race down, I had a good time doing it, and I got a new had and a new blinking light to show for it. Oh, and the ice cream - how refreshing!!

How do YOU get past the mental crap when you run, race, or workout?? Do you have any "tools" that you use to bust through it?

"Sunshine is delicious,
Rain is refreshing,
Wind braces us up,
Snow is exhilarating,
There's really no such thing as bad weather,
Only different kinds of good weather."
~Author unknown

NON-Successful Seven

2010-08-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Day 7 of my 30 Day Challenge and today, I found no success in getting my workout in.

I worked last night until after 3 a.m. so, needless to say, when the munchkins woke this morning at 8, I was still a tad drowsy. I was moving pretty slow and we managed to get up, dress, have breakfast, and head out to run some MUCH needed errands by somewhere around 11:30/11:45. We had to get groceries - if we wanted dinner anyway. So we headed out to the farm that I buy produce, then to Walmart. That in itself took until 2:00. I also had to go to the library to pickup a book for my new book club (which I am totally excited about, but that's irrelevant right now).

By the time we got lunch and headed home, it was very close to 3:00. This is when it occurred to me that I had not planned my workout for the day. It also occurred to me that I had no clue as to when it would happen. I had to be at work tonight from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. again, so it was a must that I get in a nap. At 3:20, I put the kids in their room and told them I didn't care what they did, just don't come out of the room. That worked great, by the way.....other than those 5 times they did come out.

Anyway, my first thought (at 3:35) was to lay down for an hour, get up, workout, cook dinner, eat with the fam, shower & leave for work by 6:40. Yeah....... I am exhausted and stressed out just from typing all of that. How 'bout you?

So then I decided I would nap, cook, eat, shower, and go to work. Then, I would come home - at 3 a.m. - and workout before bed. My mind tells me I am nutz for this one, but I still haven't dropped the idea because I ended up napping for a constantly interrupted hour and a HALF - much more than I planned, right?? I will see how I feel when I get off work and then make a final decision.

My prediction is that Day 7 will have to be chalked up as a FAIL. I am trying to not kick myself too bad and tell myself that it really isn't a total fail. I am trying to keep in mind that I was able to work out SIX days in a row. I am not thinking of Day 7 as a failure. I am thinking of it more as a NON-Success.

Bottom line is that seven days ago, I thought it was impossible to run THREE days in a week and I just worked out for SIX days.....IN A ROW!! Even when I have felt "too tired" or didn't have enough time, I sucked it up and did the best that I could, no matter what.

No matter what happened with Day 7........

I am really, REALLY trying and that, to me, is SUCCESS in my book.

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.”
~Author Unknown

30-Day Challenge

2010-08-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

I love writing a blog. I wasn't too sure how it would go when I started, but since have found that it is good for me. Keeps me accountable in a sense because I am putting things, as Coach T would say, "out in the universe." But just as much as I enjoy writing here, I like reading other blogs. They motivate, inspire, and encourage me. I learn new things, relate to others, and constantly am reminded that I am on the right journey and I can do this.

Last week, I read about Tricia of Endurance Isn't Only Physical, one of my favorite blogs, over at Run Like a Mother. Tricia talked about how she has lost 128 pounds since January 2009, which I personally think is AMAZING. If you want to read the whole thing, here it is..... Here is what Tricia said about how she got started:

"I made a commitment to myself to work out and eat right for 21 days straight, hoping to form new healthy habits. Well, those habits stuck and I became even more focused and interested in how to be healthy."

This really stuck out to me because I have really be struggling with how to get my runs and workouts in around kids, work, school and everything else. I have especially been thinking since my moment of self-reflection. I like that she started with simply starting with 21 days. That's doable, right?

This is where my 30-day challenge was born. I have challenged myself to work out for 30 days to prove to myself that I can get it in. If I can do 30 days, I can do a minimum of 5 days a week running & cross-training. This is all for ME - to prove me wrong, to motivate me, to push myself.

I started this on Tuesday and have completed Day 4. So far I am doing pretty good, but again, I am only at Day FOUR. I am at Day 4 and I have 4 letters for you - S-O-R-E. Today, I didn't want to do anything - walk, sit, stand, and the stairs......Grrrrr!

So far, I have done cardio yoga, running, a power circuit video and tonight I did a session of pilates abs and some relaxation yoga (I REALLY needed the stretching). Tomorrow, I run. I have worked out at night (9/10 o'clock) for the past 2 nights and will run in the evening tomorrow.

Now there, it is out in the universe, so I am accountable. Feel free to email and check up on me, however, I am sure I will be back here to report/whine/kick myself soon enough!

You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind.
~Darwin P. Kingsley

Let Me Introduce.....Sunshine!!

2010-08-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am too excited! Scott over at Outside PR hooked me up with my very first Road ID and I looooove it!!! I have even blessed it with a name - Sunshine.

Here we are after our first run together. Don't we look adorable together??

I chose the Wrist ID Elite. Road ID® had some good things to say about the Wrist ID Elite. Wanna read it? Here it goes:

"The Wrist ID Elite just might be the sexiest ID in the Road ID lineup. With its rubberized band and watch-style buckle, this sleek ID has you covered on the bike, in the boardroom and everywhere in-between. It's perfect for all of your outdoor activities and knows how to play it cool at formal events. With the Elite, you get valuable peace of mind with a look that’s just right for everyday wear."

"The Wrist ID Elite is a sleek and stylish way to incorporate ID into your active lifestyle. The Wrist ID Elite is fully adjustable and is available in 9 colors (Black, Blue, Red, Yellow, Pink, Purple, Orange, Green and Bone). With all of these great colors, you can get an Wrist ID Elite to match all of your gear. Remember, if you can't speak for yourself, your Wrist Elite ID will speak for you."

Here is what I like about the Road ID:

Obviously, the relief of knowing that while I am out there, alone or with the munchkins, my most important info is right here in the event that I can not speak for myself.
There is such a variety of colors and you can buy them all and simply switch the steel plate between bands
The material - the rubber material is totally WATERPROOF. I can sweat, shower or whatever else and it will dry quickly and easily.
It comes way bigger than needed and is very easy to adjust. Took me like 2 minutes to adjust mine to the size I wanted.
It is very lightweight and comfortable. I have had mine on all day today and pretty much have forgotten it is there.
You can have anything you want engraved on the steel plate and you can fit A LOT on it, in my opinion.
The ordering process is super easy! It is interactive and you can see your ID as you build it.

So what am I trying to tell you?? GO OUT AND GET A ROAD ID if you don't have one!

2010-08-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

There are times in life when an event occurs, and later while having a quiet moment, simply mulling around with my thoughts, deep reflection occurs. Today I had one of those moments.

Last night, I worked until 3 a.m., as I do a few times every week. I typically go straight to bed when I get home because, 1) its after 3 a.m. and I am exhausted, and 2) I know that when the munchkins wake, so do I. This usually gives me about 4 hours of sleep - unless Mr. D is home. On those occasions, I usually ask him to get the munchkins breakfast and then wake me - giving me maybe an extra hour or so. This morning was a bit different.

This morning, I slept until after noon - yes, people..... that's 12 : 00. WTH??? HOW does this happen, you (and I) ask?? Well, normally - as I mentioned - they wake me after breakfast. Today, didn't happen quite that way. Today.....the kids came up, woke me briefly (for who knows what) then left so I, as any tired person would do, fell back to sleep. When I woke again, it was after 12:00. After I asked, "Why didn't you all wake me up?" it was then that I realized Mr. D was mad. Yes, he was mad because HE was tired and it was time for him to go to work and there was no time for him to lay down any more.

Side note: Mr. D got home from work last night around 10:15 and was happily snoring when I got in the bed, so he definitely got more sleep than me - I suspect at least two hours. Also, it is a regular thing that I get up with the kids and he sleeps until time to get up, shower, and head to work.

Let me stop here and say that this post is NOT - I repeat - NOT in any way about hubby-bashing, this is all about ME. It is about me because when I realized that I slept as long as I did and that he would not be able to go back to bed, I. felt. guilty. I felt like I was the *ss in the situation and it was my fault for sleeping too long. I even sent an apology text stating I "didn't intend to sleep that late" and that "I guess I was tired."

Thinking back on this, I have issues with all of this on so many levels. Lets focus on the issues with me:

1. "I guess I was tired"?? Really? OF COURSE I was tired!! I should not feel the need to say this. I worked until THREE in the MORNING when I went all day with errands, 2 kids, and NO nap! Anyone would be tired! Most people that work the shift I do have no kids or kids in school or someone to help with their kids while they sleep. So why is it that I don't accept that I too may be tired?

2. I should NOT feel badly because I was tired, slept, and didn't wake until late. If they wanted me up, they should have come and woke me up. I should NOT feel guilty about this. So why did I?

3. Why wouldn't I have held Mr. D accountable for being pissed off because he didn't get the sleep that I needed more? I deserve to get sleep just like the next person, but when this situation arises, I feel like I have deprived him of something. Where is my self-attained entitlement? The answer is somewhere with the answers to the other questions.

The bottom line is I fail over and over to put myself as a priority - in my running, my basic needs (like sleep), and many other ways. Today, it came to me that this is UNACCEPTABLE! Mrs. D is important too! I need sleep! I need exercise! I need many things that I continue to deprive myself of. Many women do this is some way, shape, or form. I often feel I do it more than average. This has to CHANGE. I need move ME up on the totem pole because I am worth it.

Attaining the title of MOTHER or WIFE does not diminish the the importance of the title WOMAN.

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.”
~Barbara De Angelis

Monday's Medley

2010-08-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

A 'medley' by definition is "a mixture of things not usually placed together; heterogeneous collection; hodgepodge" or "a mixture of people or things of different kinds." I have given my Monday postings this title because they seem to be just that - a mixture of thoughts, ideas and/or topics. There will always be my past/upcoming week's mileage, but the rest.....is up in the air.

Last Week's Mileage....
- 2.9miles ran

This Weeks Plan...
- DO BETTER!!

So.....I would like to simply erase the month of July - in regards to running and fitness anyway. This has been a horrible month. I have barely run or done anything in the past 3 weeks & I am not loving it. But.....one musn't cry over spilt milk, right? Just clean it up & keep it movin', so that's what I'm doin - movin' on.....

I won my first giveaway!! Yeah! *happy happy happy dance* I won a $40 gift card to CSN and I don't know WHAT I should get! They have so many products - cookware, luggage, toys, home decor and TONS more! So I thank you, Laurie over at The (Mis)Adventures of a Jogging Stroller Mom! How fun is it to shop for FREE!

My next race, the Moonlight 4-miler,is in EIGHT days! Wow!

After this race, I have will be bumping up my running to 4 days a week. This makes me anxious already. I have had trouble getting in 3 runs, and now I must go to 4? AND I have to cross-train at least once a week. I am not sure HOW this is going to happen, I just know that it HAS to happen - no matter what. NO EXCUSES! [Feel free to hold me to this]

Have you seen it?

2010-07-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

MISSING

LAST SEEN - 10 days ago

DESCRIPTION - Excitement, Zest, Determination, Drive

Believed to have gone missing around the time that the heat & humidity moved in and my daily schedule got very hectic. I miss it very much and want to find it ASAP.

Please contact Mrs. D with ANY information.

Reasons to Start Running

2010-07-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

Some get into running for sport.

Some start running to lose weight.

Some start running for the shear fun of running.

Some start for other reasons.

My son wants to run for a different reason. I finally let my kids try some GU and of course, they love it. Today, he chose GU for his afternoon snack and as he is in his GU bliss, he tells me.....

"Mommy, when I get bigger I'm gonna run. Then....can I have some of your GU??"

Me: "You want to run for GU??"

Him: "Yes, but its taking a really long time. I keep trying and trying to get bigger but its taking too long."

Like I said, we all have our reasons.......

Me? I started running (or got back into it) because when I run, I feel GOOD. I feel alive, happy, content..... Also, when I got into running a couple years ago, I lost almost 50 pounds and when I stopped, I gained it all back and I felt like c-r-a-p. Running is my anti-depressant.

Why did YOU start running???

Oh, and speaking of GU....

Keep your eyes peeled for a GU-filled giveaway.....!!!

People ask why I run. I say, "If you have to ask, you will never understand". It is something only those select few know. Those who put themselves through pain, but know, deep down, how good it really feels.
~Erin Leonard

FFO Friday

2010-07-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

The past couple weeks have been rather.....overwhelming. I find that I am not focusing the best lately and I am sure it is due to a few reasons:

My plate is overflowing,
I frequently do not have "normal" sleeping patterns (ex. it is now 3:45 a.m & I am just getting home from work. Note: I will be up whenever the kids wake)
Because of my whacky work/sleep schedule, I haven't been making my runs as I would LOVE.
I have a test and 2 papers due in less than a week and a half.
My plate is overflowing.

So, I have this idea to call this post "Frantic, Freak-out Friday" and it allows me to simply DUMP all my brain's worries into my blog. Perhaps this will help get it out of my head so I can make room for productive thoughts.....?

Why am I Frantic and Freaking Out??? Well, since you asked (or didn't)......

I have a test and TWO papers due over the next week and a half
My husband is going to have a crazy week of working at least 10 hour days
This means he will be minimal assistance with that whole "get the kids outta my hair" thing.
Not sure quite yet how I will get it all done, but its just got to.
I have been missing my runs lately.
My next race is 19 days away.
It is 4 miles long.
I haven't gotten to 4 miles yet.
I have paperwork to send to school for financial aid
I need Mr. D to help me find the papers.
I keep forgetting to ask for help finding these papers (another example of brain overload)
I have been working way more than I prefer
However, I have still been holding everything. Nothing has really fallen apart, I am just friggin exhausted.
I have a ton of running around to do in the morning before Mr. D has to get to work.
This includes a grocery shopping trip
Did I mention it also will be WITH the 2 munchkins??
I am worried that the combination of minimal sleep and the 2 munchkins won't equal happyness
I have no coffee for the morning.
This pile of laundry is making me insane! I am SICK of looking at it.
My friend is planning to watch my kids tomorrow so I can do school work.
I can decide what is most important, groceries or school work
If I take the kids to play, they may be too worn out to behave for a grocery run.
If I choose to grocery shop, I will be continuing to frantically, freak-out over not getting any school work done.
Vice-Versa with the school work & FFOing about groceries.....
I haven't even made a grocery list
I can't love being a one vehicle family. I try, but I just can't.
I have had stuff to post on on the blog all week, but haven't had the time to get it up....
That should be the least of my worries, yet, it made it on the list.
I need new running shoes so so bad, but it just isn't in the budget.
That sucks - a lot.
I HATE the budget.
I have been waiting for my financial aid check for weeks and it has yet to arrive.
I was beginning to think it is just a myth, now they say its on the way.
Not sure why I am excited about it. All of it is already claimed.
I REALLY HATE the budget.
I lost my running watch!
I refuse to purchase another one because I keep telling myself "I'm gonna find it! Its somewhere around here!"
I started saying that in May....

That's all I got for now. WOW! You wouldn't believe how threapeutic that was! I truly feel SO much better! I am AMAZED!! Some of it seems less "worry-worthy" now that I typed it out...

I was wide awake, but now am certain I will fall right to sleep - no worries on my mind.

So on that note.......I am sleeepy. Good night!!!

AND, if you made it this far......THANKS FOR READING!!!

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work."
~John Lubbock

Half & Half Virtual Race Recap and PR!!

2010-07-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, one of my besties, CP, and I ran G's Virtual "Half & Half" Race. I chose the "Half 10k" option - translated 5k (for the MGs of the world - you know who you are ;-)). So, we met up at a local High School to run a 5k on the track. Here is a view the camera on my phone got of the track at 5a.m.

We had 12.5 laps to run for 3.1 miles. It was 79 degrees with 80% humidity. We knew by the 2nd lap that it was going to be pretty rough. It felt like the humidity was creating resistance. It probably would have felt the same if the wind were blowing against us accept the air was SO damp. I couldn't breath and it felt like we were wading through water!! It was pretty painful.

I learned a few things on this run. First, good friends make ALL the difference. I have to confess that by the 5th lap, I was struggling. If CP had not been there, I would've walked pretty soon. She kept me going.

So thanks, CP. Even though I run a lot slower than your preferred pace, you stayed with me. And as it turns out, I ran faster than I normally do because you pulled me along (dragged at some points). You always motivate me and keep me moving forward - when we run together and just with life in general. I couldn't do it without ya!

The other thing I learned pretty quickly is that track running......NOT for Mrs. D. Its just lines and lines and more lines. And its an oval - around and around and around. NOT the most entertaining thing ever - even with your best pal next to you, it is kinda....well, boring for that long. There isn't much to look at to distract you from the pain of the run. And when you both hit a wall, you need more than LINES to get you through, you know?

Now...... for the GREAT news of today!!!! We ran our 5k with a time (for me) of 38:57. That is a 1:36 PR from my fastest race, the Annabelle's Angels 5k I ran in September 2007. It is a 4:05 improvement from my Comeback Race this past May!!!! WOW!! Talk about a JUMP!!! Perhaps that "Run Slow to Run Fast" stuff really does work, Coach T!!! I mean, I believed it before, but now.....I BELIEVE IT!!! FOUR minutes is a BIG improvement!

My next race, the Moonlight 4M, is 24 days away and this is definitely a great motivator!!

Here are a couple of post-race pics....

"I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster."
~ Robin Williams

Monday Medley

2010-07-12T19:15:00.001-07:00

This past week has been a challenging one for getting in runs. It was steamy, smokin', HOT most of the week. A few days got up to 103/104 degrees. Now I am not saying I couldn't run at all because it was hot, but the heat combined with me working every other night until 3a.m. pretty much made it darn near impossible to get out. Getting up to run at 5/6:00a.m. isn't much of an option when you just went to bed at 3:30, you know?

This week I jokingly thought that I need to "rent" someone's treadmill. But I really have been thinking that I may need to sign up at a gym so that I can use the treadmill to get runs in.

What do you do to beat the heat and get your runs in?? Any pointers for me?

So.... these are my confessions.....
Last Week's Mileage....
8 miles planned / 4.83 miles ran

And here are my desires....
This Weeks Plan...
- 2.5 miles
- 2 miles
- 4 miles

My biggest struggle right now is the big D word , my.......

I have been wanting to post about this for quite some time, but honestly have been kind of dreading the topic and having to confess my badness. The crazy thing is that I am currently taking a NUTRITION class and it hasn't gotten any better at all. Now, I am just very knowingly eating poorly. The day of my long run last week, I ate TWO fast food meals! TWO! That is when I said this is redonkulous!!

My goals for my running is not only to run and run and run, but to lose weight and lower my BMI!! One thing I HAVE learned from my class is that my weight, body proportion, and diet all put me at much higher risk for heart disease, diabetes, stroke and other illnesses. That scares me more than the thought of never losing one pound. I work in a hospital where many patients come in all the time with illnesses that can easily be avoided with a healthiER lifestyle - high blood pressure, young people with strokes, obesity and more. I don't want to be one of these people that get sick when it could easily be avoided. I owe myself better than that because I AM better than that.

I have looked into getting a Registered Dietitian to help me, but my health insurance doesn't cover it and it isn't cheap to pay for it out of pocket. I am thinking about Weight Watchers, but haven't quite decided on that. For some reason, I don't know if I want to do a "program" because I just want to learn to eat "right" in a way that is realistic and doable for me and my family. I know a dietitian could help me with this because that is what they do, but I am not sure if Weight Watchers does the same. Bottom line is, I don't want to "go on a diet," I want to live healthier.

I know that at home I do OK, but my problem is the indulgence of sweets and junk food (fast food, delivery when working, etc). There is a way to "treat" yourself without over doing it, I just haven't mastered it.

I just know that this is something I HAVE to do. I HAVE to do it for ME. I HAVE to do it for my munchkins. I HAVE to do it for my husband. I HAVE to do it for people out there that think they can't.

I just HAVE to do it - NOW.

"The best six doctors anywhere

And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they'll ease
Your will they'll mend
And charge you not a shilling."
~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990

2010-07-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

As you may already know, I enjoy quotes. They just do something for me - inspire, motivate, make me laugh, make me think..... I have been getting daily quotes emailed from Runner's World and this was the quote emailed today:

"Slow-but-sure has always worked for me, in running and in most other arenas. I wouldn't mind being a Carl Lewis or Usain Bolt, but I've found little payoff in attempting to be what I'm not."
~Amby Burfoot, Runner's World Editor At Large

I really love this one! It really speaks to me personally because I have this current frustration with not running faster than I do. Even though I know I need to be patient and that, with time and persistence, speed will come, I still get annoyed by the fact that I am s--l--o--w. I often think that I would love to run with others but I "won't be able to keep up" and I feel badly about myself as a result of this negative thinking.

In all honesty, like the author of the quote, I wouldn't mind being a TMB or G, but the reality is that I am a Mrs. D and I should embrace that. I need to just let go and appreciate my ability to get out there and RUN. I need to be grateful that I have a great support system and people cheering for me on the virtual sidelines. I need to stop worrying about speed and enjoy the moment for what it is - sanity, joy, fun, health, quietness.....

Because again, as the quote says, "I've found little payoff in attempting to be what I'm not" and "Slow-but-sure has always worked for me." I learned to run on the philosophy "slow and steady wins the race" so why change now?

Marks of "Honor"???

2010-07-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

I just want to know....

Does this make it official? Am I in the club now?

Pain is temporary, pride is forever!
~Anonymous

Week's Report

2010-07-04T19:56:00.001-07:00

This week has been pretty good. Not too much going on, but it has been a fun week. I had my first "Mommy Run" playdate this week. It was great! The kids played and Mer & I took turns getting our runs in. What a perfect solution to the issue of me not being able to run because I have the kids & Mr. D is at work. I recommend it highly for any mamas out there needing to figure out a way to get it all in.

Also, my munchkins have been so proud of themselves for the past couple of days because they took their first bike ride to the playground that is a 1/2 mile up the road from here. 'He Munchkin' has been telling everyone he thinks will care (and some of us twice) that they rode "all by our self." The rode there, played for an hour and rode back home. It was a little warm and they were getting tired, but they pushed on through and did it! 'She Munchkin' frequently got tired because she is not as strong yet in the legs as her brother. Every time she got tired, I'd simply ask her, "Who is super strong?" and she would yell back "I AM!" and kick it up a notch. I love knowing that I have a role in encouraging them to get out and work hard and succeed at something like this. They even wanted to wear my running visors for the ride, but safety first - helmets are a must!

Today is Independence Day! Happy 4th Everyone! My day started with a run w/ my favorite friends to run with, CP and Mer. If I run with anyone, it is usually one (or both) of them. We did 2+ miles. We were planning for 2.5, but I stopped at 2 because that is what I was originally planning for and my leg has been bugging me a little, so I didn't want to overdo it. I was already running at their pace (faster than I usually run), so I didn't want to hurt myself on my short run.

My 2 miles was somewhere around 20 minutes. 10-11 minute mile pace. NO WAY would I run this fast if I were alone. That's what friends are for, right??

Here we are in our post-run glow..

As for Last Week's Mileage....
8 miles planned / 8 miles ran

This Weeks Plan....
- 2.5 miles
- 2 miles
- 3.5 miles

After I finish 2 runs this week, I am officially 1/2 way done training for my next race, the Moonlight 4-miler. So far all has gone well. Well....there is that too slow thing, but I am working on that patience thing. But I am having a great time and am SO glad I am doing what I'm doing.

Have a great week everyone!!!

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.
~Gail Devers

Surprise! Surprise! SURPRISE!

2010-06-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

I LOVE surprises!!!

Check out the surprise I got in the mail yesterday!

Erica, from I Run Because... I Can sent me some GU gels & drink powder! Thanks, Erica!! I can not wait to try them out! I am not quite at the "during run" GU, but I can definitely GU before my runs (yep, I just made it a verb).

I was SO excited!! My son kept saying, "Dad...I think she REALLY likes it!"

Hey! Its the small things that keep me content with life!

Speaking of surprises and small things..... I got in my car to go to work Sunday morning and the radio starts blaring one of my favs. Mr. D surprised me with

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Eminem so this totally made my day. On the way to work, I had to consciously not drive like I felt (which was HYPED UP). I think I am still excited about it and I hate that I can't blare it 12 hours a day because it isn't what I would call "kid-friendly" at all.

I am seriously considering changing out my mp3 for a while so I can run to Em. Alex Cross can wait, right? Plus, what a great pair....GU and Em! I think I like it!!

I am telling you....It's the small things in life that make the biggest impact, so...

THANK YOU, Erica!!

THANK YOU, my love!!

You made my day!

"For the person for whom small things do not exist, the great is not great."
~Jose Ortega Y Gasset

I'm listening......and running

2010-06-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

I read once (and agreed) that running with music can sometimes trip up your runs if you don't have the right music or a steady pace of music. It causes you to speed up and slow down because you are running to the beat. I find this to be so true, for me at least. Now it is probably that I have taken no real time to research the right music for me, I am sure.

During that same research, I read that listening to an audio book while running can be nice because there is no pace or rhythm to keep up with. So..... when I started running in April, I got an audio book and gave it a try. I LOVE it!

First, I have always enjoyed audio books, but now that I have munchkins, I can't really listen in the car like I used to. Also, I don't do much leisure reading these days because I feel like if I have time to read, I have time to study, so I reserve that for breaks in school. (Side note: I can not wait for August so I can finally read Eclipse!) Running w/ a book kind of fills that void.

Second, it is pretty cool to listen to the book and not think when I run. As I go through my day to day, my mind is constantly going....and going.....and going.....and going (even in my dreams!). When I can hit the pavement and just listen without feeling like I need to figure out what to do and when to do it and how I will get it done and.......(you get it). WOW! Such a break from the world!!

Just me, my running shoes and Alex Cross (the main character in my current "read")......

Most people are surprised when I say that I listen to audio books, not music. Every now and again, I feel like a little 'pump me up' music, but if you remember, as I mentioned in "I Wish....", the mp3 I currently have doesn't allow playlists and it is too much hassle to keep switching back and forth. So until I get my NANO, it's one thing at a time.......

How do YOU prefer to run? Music? Ever tried audio books? With your thoughts?

Weekly check-in

2010-06-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

This was a tough week. I worked a lot of nights until 3a.m., which made it impossible for early morning runs. And then there was.....the HEAT! It was a scorcher week. Pretty much every day was high 90s except for today and Thursday, which was 102!! Yuck! Not what I would call ideal running environment. So, excuses aside.....I only got 2 of my 3 runs in this week.

Last week

- 7 miles planned / 5 miles run

I'm not exactly thrilled about this, but....no need to wallow in it! I must suck it up and MOVE ON......

This week's plan - 8 miles

- 2.5m

- 2m w/ stroller & yoga

- 3.5m

- one more day of yoga or pilates if I can get it in.....

I DID try something new today that I MUST share! I ran 3 HOT, hard, exhausting miles this morning. When I got home, I tried drinking some G2 to help replenish a little and it made me want to vomit! I like it, so it wasn't that I disliked it. I think that my body couldn't like it. So, I ended up sitting for a bit and then doing one of my favorite yoga poses....

I LOVE this pose! It is so relaxing and rejuvenating! I could fall asleep like this!

Then I remembered something I heard about on Facebook - ice baths. It is supposed to be good after a run to help recover your legs. I was curious, so I figured, "Why not?" I filled up the tub, got in and called Mr. D to pour the ice tray in. He thought I was insane. So did the boy munchkin, actually.

I did some research during my 10 minute soak. I read that ice baths have been found to be a good prevention for injury in runners because it helps with muscle recovery. Check out THIS ARTICLE I found on RunnersWorld.com.

Initially, it was pretty freezing, but I got used to it pretty quick and it was okay. Initially, I noticed no effect, but I showered and when I got to work, I realized my legs were not sore AT ALL. I didn't have that tired, post-run soreness that I have become accustomed to. Honestly, my legs felt no different than they did before I ran. I will definitely be trying this again!

Have a great week everyone! Stay cool!!

"Taking one foot and putting it in front of the other, that is the only way to travel forward...If however you take steps forward whilst looking backward; well -then you will fall over because you end up tripping over something you would easily have seen if looking where you were going in the first place. So, when looking back just stay still for a moment, allow yourself to reflect, but then you must at some point turn around and just keep moving - or you will stagnant on the spot which means going nowhere at all."

~Jacquelene Close Moore

MY Time

2010-06-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

Since I have gotten back into running, I find that it is a time that I cherish. A time when I am not required to think about anything, say anything, be anything.... I just have to put one foot in front of the other and repeat.

My life as a wife, mother, student, employee, daughter, friend and sister can be down right overwhelming not to mention exhausting. When it is my time to run, it is MY time to just DO ME.

When I lace up and walk out the door.....

When I run......

Even during my stroller runs, I tell the kids that I can't hear them when I am running and they need to talk to each other. Of course it isn't fool-proof, but I don't expect it to be, and it still works pretty darn well.

They chat amongst each other and I get...

...in the ZONE!

I have even found that running is not a time when I prefer to be sociable for 2 reasons:

1...
I enjoy that time alone. Don't get me wrong..... I enjoy the occasional run w/ friends, but I find that I mostly prefer the quiet solitude over the social time.

2...
right now, whenever I know I am running with someone else, I feel such anxiety about running slow. I worry that I will have to kill myself trying to keep up and that the run will be horrible torture. I worry about the "inconvenience" to them having to be held back because I can't keep up with their normal speed. I mean, they must be miserable having to stay back with the slow-poke, right? I am sure this is about me, not them, and the fact that I wish I were faster than I actually am.

I don't quite know how to overcome this (other than to get faster). For now, I just run alone.

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."
~John Quincy Adams

Weekly check-in

2010-06-20T23:32:00.000-07:00

Last week was a GREAT week! My bestie, Diva T, and her hubby, T-Bird, stayed with us for a few days. SUCH fun! They live in Louisiana, so we don't get to see them often. The kids love when Aunt and Uncle T come to visit! I miss them already and often tell myself they will move closer one day.

Here are a few pics from the week:

I also must give a BIG Hurrah to T-Bird. He has been working mega hard lately and has lost.......

Drum roll PLEEASSEE.......

FIFTY pounds!!!

I am so proud of him! We all know how difficult it can be to make major life changes and do the right thing. He has been putting in WORK for months changing his eating, exercising, and doing it with all the temptations of traveling and just the world in general. T-Bird, you inspire me!! Keep it up! You ROCK!!!  You are pure awesomeness! I can not wait to see you in December to see how much more progress you have made! Keep doing what you do! Love you!

Now, for the week's progress.....

Last week
   - 6.5 miles planned / 7.2 miles run & 1 hr of yoga (Yeah, Baby!!)

This week's plan
   - 2.5m
   - 2m w/ stroller & yoga
   - 3m
   - maybe another day of yoga

Another goal I have for this week is to find a registered dietitian. I have my exercise routine down, but I need to get the food part in order. I don't feel that I eat horribly, but there is definitely room for improvement.

Have a great week everyone!!!

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

Moments like these.....

2010-06-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

Last month, I posted THIS POST to tell why I do all I do. While there was much truth to that poste, tonight, I came to realize the true explanation for WHY I do what I do.

WHY I run....

WHY I work a cRaZY work schedule....

WHY I am going to school....

WHY I want to get healthier and happy-er and more fit and less "un-skinny"

I do ALL of this so that I can continue to enjoy times like these each and every day for as long and as much as I possibly can:

(I apologize for forcing you to watch with "taco neck". For some reason, I turned the camera wrong)

These moments are what make it all worth it. They make me have to DO better and BE better and LIVE better.

These moments are the highlight of my life and I want to make sure I am available to enjoy them for as long and as much as I can.

There are many things in life that will catch your eye. But only a few will catch your heart....

~Ben Crenshaw

Motivation

2010-06-18T18:34:00.001-07:00

I got my 1.5mile run in this afternoon totally unexpected. My mom came by so I took advantage. I was rather hesitant at first because it was 89 degrees out and I had pretty much had NO WATER all day. Not the best combo. I was worried I would not only struggle through the run, but because I wasn't hydrated, I was worried about the rest of the day (headache, exhaustion, etc...)

But..... I went anyway and I am SO glad I did. It was hot, but the humidity was down and it was ONLY a 1.5 mile run. I figured, "I can do it for TWENTY minutes no matter how tough (or hot) it is!" I also thought about something that my old running coach, R, told me....

On race day, after you have trained and trained, no matter what the weather is - rain, heat, or otherwise - you will not skip the race because you've worked hard to get there so..... you should train the same way. Get out and do your runs, no matter what.

That really motivated me because my next "scheduled" race is in August - not exactly the coolest month of the year. It is very possible that it could be super hot that day.

Here is a picture I took before I headed out. Not sure why, but it came out pretty funny....

The run was pretty good. I was glad it was only 1.5 because as I was finishing up, the sun felt like an oven on my arms and back. In my rush out the door, I forgot sunscreen and am very glad that I did not burn.

When I get out for these runs that seem impossible or destined to be "the hardest run ever", it feels so so good after. Better than the others because I doubted myself from the start. I love proving ME wrong almost more than proving others wrong.

When you are faced with a run (or race) that seems impossible, what motivates you to get out the door?

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
~John Bingham, running speaker and writer

Checking in....

2010-06-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

This is my first weekly check-in. I am not sure really how I want to do this, but I just want something for myself to try to plan and list what I am doing in regards to exercise and health. I have thought about it more and in my last post, I said I want to be accountable to you, but the truth of it is that I want to be accountable to MYSELF and I think I will be more successful at that if I do it in a "public" way. It is amazing how much putting yourself out there can make you do better even when you don't want to.

G suggested keeping myself accountable with an upcoming race. This is a good idea and I use it, but for some reason, it doesn't work totally for me. I must admit that knowing I have the 4-mile race coming up in August does make me face my dislike of running in the heat more than I ever would normally, but I think adding one more factor will be nice - PLUS, I can look back at my progress and that is a good thing.

Anyways, here goes.....

Last week's goal- 6miles

2m
1.5m w/ stroller
2.5m

Last week's progress - 1.45 miles

1.45 m w/ stroller

Yeah, it hurt to type that "out loud".

Goals for this week - 6.5 miles

Tuesday - 2m (already done!)
Thursday - 1.5m w/ stroller
Friday - Yoga or Pilate's
Saturday - 3m

I am pretty confident of this week. I have been scheduling my runs in and adding them to my weekly/daily to-do lists so there is no real excuse for not getting them done - only choice. I, for the record, am choosing to RUN.

"Accountability breeds response-ability."

~Stephen R. Covey

Big shocker and......accountability

2010-06-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and decided, "I am going for a run this morning, no matter what." I have avoided my runs for the past week because of the heat and this morning I said NO MORE. I made the choice to not even look at the current temperature because that is what usually scares me out of my runs.

So I got dressed, ate a banana and soy nut butter, did a little pre-run warm-up that I saw on Runner's World (see video HERE), and headed out. Of course, I ran comfortable. The run felt good and I planned to do 2 miles (1 mile out and back), but as I got running I felt I could probably go ahead and knock out my 2.5 for the week and save the 2.0 for later, but no real decision made. I'd just go w/ the flow and see what I felt like doing. About a block or so past the 1 mile mark, I realized I hadn't stopped, so.....2.5ish it would be (it was really about 2.4)! I finished it strong, running slow/faster intervals for the last 1/2 mile and really kicking it up a notch for the last .15.

It was a fun run - just me, my audiobook and the road. How much better can you get?

How much better.....??? Well....... I got back and saw that it took 35 min to run the 2.4 miles. After I was home, I sat down to log my run on Daily Mile and what did I see?? 2.72 miles! WHAT?!?! NO WAY I ran and extra 3/10 mile and didn't know it!! And to top it off.....I ran a 12:52 pace!! Talk about a highlight to my day!!!!

Now on to other stuff......

I have noticed lately that I have not been getting my runs in as I need to. And NOT always because I have no time. Many times - especially the past 2 weeks - it is due to the big "L" word. I know what you are thinking, and it is not my Lover.....it's......LAZINESS. I haven't felt like getting up and going out to run in this sweltering heat! I prefer my lovely air conditioning and sleeping later.

This is NOT how I want to be. Since the beginning of the Autism 5k training, I have lost 5 lbs - YAAY ME!! I am pretty happy about this and I want to keep moving forward. I ALSO have to keep my sh*t together and work hard if I want to reach my ultimate goal of the *dun dun dun* Dismal Swamp Stomp.

So.....I think I am going to try something a little new here. I am thinking (and hoping) that more accountability will keep me off my *ss and on my feet putting my miles in on the pavement. I am going to do what I have seen several other blogger friends do and post a weekly check-in. I figure this way.....YOU (and Coach T) can see what I am up to and send me some cyber-threats if I don't get my sh*t together. I hope this plan works!

My first check-in coming soon......

"It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable."

~ Moliere

I wish.....

2010-06-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight on my way home from class, I was thoroughly enjoying an old Puddle of Mudd CD and letting my mind wander. I started thinking of all the things I want and/or need to enhance my running experience. I figure that with my new goals, I need (and deserve) to upgrade a bit.

So....I figured I would share my "wish list" with you - just for fun!

The running shoes are NOT a wish. They are a MUST have. I have done some research and are not quite sure yet which pair I want. I found the New Balance 1012 and the Pearl Izumi SyncroGuide III. Both get great reviews, so that makes it even more difficult. My current shoe is the Brooks Beast, but researching online makes me think these may be good choices for me. Anyone know anything about either of these?

I have been dying for an IPod Nano! Right now, I have an OLD mp3 player that is okay, but I can not have play lists and it can be so frustrating!! I WANT PLAY LISTS!

I never cared before, but my thought is that if I am going to get into higher mileages, a Garmin would be perfect! Sounds logical enough to me!!

Until the other day, I thought that these running skirts would never fit me because I am.......un-skinny. I was looking at runningskirts.com the other day, window shopping, thinking of how training toward a half marathon should definitely help me slim down, which meant that I may be able to rock one for the BIG race in April. Turns out, they DO have my size so I think it has to go on the must have list! I am so excited at just the thought of owning one of these skirts!

Almost forgot......so I must make an amendment/addition.....

Any "official" runner MUST have a Road ID, right??

So basically, It isn't a LONG list, but it also isn't an inexpensive list either. It is a good list though and I think that We shall see what I actually get.....!

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

~Homer Simpson

To Do List

2010-06-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

I just got my new training schedule from Coach T and I am pretty stinkin excited about it!! The 4-miler is my first stepping stone toward the half, so this is the beginning of the journey. The plan is that I will run a 4-miler then an 8k, then a 15k (9-miles), and then.....then half. All of the races have 2-3 months in between so I am working up nice & easy. I LOVE LOVE the idea of a race to do list and just checkin 'em off until I get there.

First on the list, the Moonlight 4M! Lets GET it!!!

I have been talking to other runners I know about the half marathon and have 2 people that are going to run it to and probably one other! I think it will be so cool to have familiar faces on the course to cheer for (and that will cheer for me). Don't tell, but.....I think I may be secretly switching from "freak-out" to excited!!

Before I go........

I MUST give some BIG props to my mentor, G. She got word that she is getting yet another "BIG FAT SCHOLARSHIP"!!! Didn't I tell you that she kicks MAJOR *SS in the education department?!?!?? Here is proof of that. Congrats, G!! Keep doing what you do, girl!! You are SUCH an inspiration! Now go celebrate "HOT Mother" style because you deserve it!!!

WAY TO GO, G!!! HOOORRAAAAY!!!!

Enthusiasm is the yeast that raises the dough.

~Paul J. Meyer

It must be exhaustion.....

2010-06-04T21:47:00.000-07:00

Late last night while at work, I sent this email to Coach T:

T,

I must be delirious from working too many late nights this week, but I was once again doing that thinking thing and.......

I REALLY would love to talk to you about a serious, realistic BIG goal for a year (or so) from now. I don't know if that is a 1/2 marathon or a 10k or a 10-miler, but I have had it in the back of my mind (where you put things you are terrified of actually thinking of) for a long time and I was just thinking "why the heck not??"

I read blog after blog after blog and hear story after story of people that start running and set a major running goal and they DO it! They work hard, push beyond their limits and DO IT. So, T, I would like to propose to you that you, Coach, help me come up with and achieve a goal that I have never done before.
What do you think? Am I crazy? Should I go sleep and then RE-think this?
I guess this means we probably need to really talk sometime soon, huh?

So, she and I talked today and through her wonderful "you are the bomb, you GOT this" encouragement, I have decided that I am going to..... (drum roll, please......) run a half marathon next year.

What?? You couldn't "hear" what I "said"?? Well, then you need better contacts! Geez! I said.......

I am going to run a *cough* half marathon in 2011. Did you get it that time??? No?

I am going to run a half *cough gag* marathon in 2011. One more time.......

I, Mrs. D, am going to run a half marathon in 2011. WOW!!

Yes, I am IN-friggin-SANE!! Well, not really, because this is something that is totally attainable and possible to do not to mention that people do half marathons all the time. I just can not BELIEVE that I am actually making this choice. I, Mrs. D, have always said that a 10k was totally good distance and I would NEVER do a 1/2 marathon. Now, here I am typing the words.

In all honesty, the thought of doing it scares the crap out of me. BUT......on the other hand, I really want to see myself set a long term (seemingly-unreachable) goal and achieve it. To make such a commitment to myself and succeed at it would be.....well.....PRICELESS. Talk about happyness!!!

So.....here it is. I am putting it "out there in the universe", as T put it. Once its out there, there's no turning back!

ASK & You Shall Receive

2010-06-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

Remember THIS POST? Well, if not, I decided to host a giveaway. As a requirement to enter, you had to give me a tip for student success. Well, as the title implies, I asked, and I RECEIVED! Wow!! Thank you everyone!! I got SO MANY great tips. Some were things I have heard before, but many were things totally new.

So, I have compiled a list of what I got. Its GOOD stuff! Check it out!!

Of course all were great, but here are some of my favorites....

Review lecture/reading notes within 24-hours of taking them. It helps the brain retain the information better AND forces you to cave out a set time for review.

RUN. Exercise is linked to better memory. **How surprising is it that my running coach suggested that I run?**

Have a very specific to do list with only 6 things. “As in I will accomplish these 6 things today” and if other things come up that you must do, you have to put those top priorities first.

If shy about asking questions in class, make a list of questions during lectures and ask the teacher after class. **I AM shy about asking questions, so I actually used this tip in class Wednesday night! Awesome idea!**

Use multi-colored highlighters

FORGIVE YOURSELF. If you don’t do as well as you wanted, brush yourself off, move on, stay positive and WILL yourself to do better next time.

Enjoy learning. Be grateful for the education that I am blessed with the opportunity to be receiving.

Preview, View, Review.

“Know that in the future you will (hopefully) have more time to do more things” other than all school, all work, minimum play.

Treat school like a job. Commit x hours, work hard during those hours, and try to forget about it other times.

Slack off on home chores, BUT keep it neat.

Think of working out as a class: do it at a particular time. **I'm not sure if/how I can do this with my life, but I want to.**

Schedule time for schoolwork and stick to it. I love the example that was given: 3 hours of work after the kids are sleep on MWF and remember no TV or playing on the computer on those nights (save that for TTh!).

On your calendar, use different colors – family stuff in one color, work in another, etc.

“If you learn through hearing, record your lectures or record yourself reading notes out loud, then listen to them on a run – multitasking at its finest!! **While I don’t think I will do this, because I love my runs for clearing my head and NOT thinking of work, school, kids, etc, I thought it was a really cool idea!**

I got this one worded differently over and over: “Remember to take time for yourself and BREATHE!”

“Cherish your running time and the very little time you give yourself and let your mind wander…”

MORE great tips I can't wait to apply.......

“No question is stupid. If you need to ask, do it and don’t be afraid.”

80/20 rule: Practice identifying the important points in book/lecture and focus on that. Being critical about what is (and isn’t) important, it is easier to remember it, and work is more focused. **I like this tip a lot and have a feeling that I could probably really use it, but I am not sure I fully understand it. So…. Alinda, if you have time, email me more details about the 80/20 rule. sed426@yahoo.com**

Create a predictable schedule. Example, do online assignments at the same time every week – post assignment and discussion on Monday and respond to discussion on Wednesday, then have and hour on two other days to focus on NOTHING but reading/taking notes (no kids, hubby, phones, disruptions).

Time-saving tips for cooking:
Chop onions and peppers and bag them up for future use.
Buy fresh veggies, steam and freeze them so they are ready when needed.
Make casseroles and freeze for days when there is no time for cooking.

**I love these ideas! These are great ideas for saving time and still serving healthy meals to the family (especially for someone like me that has limited time as it is)!**

Read well the first time and take notes while you read

This was one of the most unique tips I got: Study right before bed and go to sleep thinking of what you learned.

RE-write your notes. Take notes in class and while reading, then re-write them in your own words on note cards or in the computer.

Most common theme (and probably the most needed) among the tips I got: ORGANIZATION:
Use to do lists.
Break down to do lists: daily, weekly, monthly
Get a good planner/organizer
Schedule in time to do homework and arrange life AROUND that, not the other way around.
Write everything down on the calendar.
Come up with a predictable schedule.
Never be afraid to ASK FOR HELP. Ask for help from everyone – teachers, classmates, friends, acquaintances, mom, dad, sister…..

Figure out the “take-home message” from lecture.

Now, because I know that you are dying to know.......

I got 60 entries to the giveaway and the winner is.......#54 -

Busy Running Mama

Congrats! Email me at sed426@yahoo.com with your gift card choice and your contact/mailing info.

Again, thank you EVERYONE for these AWESOME words of wisdom. It just goes to show that sometimes, you just have to ASK.

"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." ~Luke: 11:9

W.I.D.T.H. - Why I Do This Here.

2010-05-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit has been posting reasons for why we do what we do. Why we live healthier, better, more active..... I have come to look forward to looking at these. There are so many reasons for why we do what we do. All so different, but at the same time, very much the same.

Here is mine......

Check out others HERE.

"People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have come in to the mind of others."
~Blaise Pascal

I'm BACK!!! Race recap....

2010-05-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

This morning was the Autism 5k. I have been training for this race for 8 weeks and to day was THE DAY! I must say that it went exactly as I wanted.

I started the day (actually last night) worrying about rain, but this morning, the forecast changed from rain to mostly sunny, so I took that as a good sign. I met up w/ my friend, Mer, who ran the race completely in support of me (God bless her). I must say that she was AWESOME! I loved her before, but I love her even more!!

The best advice I got for the race was an email I read this morning from EricaH. Here is what she told me:

My only advice would be to run your race, find the pace that is comfortable for you and don't get caught up on what's going on around you and most of all enjoy the experience just think you are up early on a Saturday morning doing something a whole heck of a lot of people aren't, and will probably never do, and that's something, and whatever happens good or great (since there is nothing bad about starting your day with a run) it is something to be proud of. :)

First, THANK YOU Erica. This was so moving for me personally. I took this with me the entire run. I had already decided I was going to run it slow & easy with no pressure and finish strong, so to read this early this morning, I knew that no matter what, I would run the best race that I could do on this day, and THAT is what it is all about - me and my race today, not yesterday and not tomorrow.

The race started and I started easy, as intended. I knew we were going pretty slow, but I refused to worry about it. Heck, to be honest, most of the race, we were surrounded by walkers, but I just said, "I don't care. I am running MY race. I want to finish strong."

At about the 2 mile mark, it was getting tough. It was pretty sunny and getting warm. Also, the course was a tad more hilly than I anticipated. Mer was great. At this point she started setting goals, like "lets lengthen our stride from here to the blue sign" or "let's pick it up down this hill". That really helped because when I get tired, my weakness is to slow down and to have that reminder and encouragement, was helpful.

At 2.2 miles, T came back to us. I must say that at that point, I was hurting and struggling and fighting to keep going, so you can imagine that when I saw her, I felt.......

I didn't look like that, but inside, that is definitely how I felt. I knew if she was coming back, that meant the end really was pretty close. But that wasn't it, then...... G and their friend, V, came back too! When I saw them, I felt even more

Even though they had left it all on the road for their race, they came back to help me bring it in and that meant SO much!

The last little bit was pretty much steady incline, so I didn't kick it up as soon as I wanted, but when we got to the end...... I REALLY pushed it.

My finish made me realize that I have speed in me, I just have no ENDURANCE and I need to work on my courage. I had it once, and I will get it again. I will run another race. I will keep working at it. I will also follow the "Run Slower, Run Faster" philosophy that Coach T has been talking about.

So.....where to from here?? This summer I plan to run possibly another 5k next month and I plan to run a 4-mile twilight run in July. My long-term goal from here is to run an 8k in November and 10k in March. I am pretty excited about this because it keeps me running, it gives me constant goals to work toward AND each race I am working toward is a little bit longer than the previous one. I also think in the middle of all of these, I would like to run another 5k to see if my time improves.

Only time will tell....... But for today, I am SUPER syked!!! I DID IT!!!

Here are a few post-race pictures for your viewing pleasures.......

If you don't know yet from reading my blog, I like quotes. I try to include one after each of my posts because I find them inspirational and I like sharing them in hopes that they will inspire you as well. In my search for a quote for today's post, I found the Finish Strong Finish Strong video. So check it out and enjoy!

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone!!!

12 Hours

2010-05-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

In just 12 hours, I will be starting my first race in over TWO years. I must say I am feeling lots of things. I am excited and nervous and anxious and hopeful and worried all at the same time.

Excited because well, as I said, this is my first race in over two years. I have missed this for way too long. I have wanted to get back to this for way too long. AND, last week, I ran the practice 3.1 with T a week ago and it went almost TOO well.

Nervous because..... I really don't really need a reason for nervous. I am always nervous before I run. I usually get in the middle of a race and think, "Why do I do this?!?!? This is not FUN!!" I will simply call it stage fright.

Anxious to get it started. Anxious to get it over with. Also, a little performance anxiety too, I think.

Hopeful that this will be the race that I don't think, "Why do I do this?!?!? This is not FUN!!" I want this to be fun. I mean, its my comeback race. I need it to be FUN! I am not worried about this though. I will have Mer at my side and T and G racing me to the finish. How can it not be??

Worried because I have not run at all this week because I have been working instead. Worried because I have not trained wonderfully for this race. I am a little worried of what if. What if my body is tired. What if it is too tough. What if I get too excited and start too fast and then can't finish strong. What if - What if - What if........

Regardless, I am going to get up in the morning and run the best race I can. I will run it all. I will have fun. I will finish strong. I will do it well.

"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about."
~PattiSue Plumer, U.S. Olympian

Ask for Help Giveaway

2010-05-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month, I posted this about my last semester of school. One of the things I listed to "fix the problem" was to ASK FOR HELP. So that is what today is about.

I am determined to succeed at getting my nursing degree. I want to succeed. I MUST succeed. I don't want to be one that just makes it, I want to ROCK IT!

I want to be like my mentor, G. She ROCKS IT! She has 3 kids, a full running schedule, a job, a marriage, and more but she totally kicks *ss when it comes to school. I often think, "How the hell does she do it??" I wish life allowed me to shadow her to see how she works her magic. Obviously, I look up to her, or I wouldn't have adopted her as my mentor. And yes, I adopted her. She had no choice in the matter.

G isn't the only one though...... I think this of ALL students I know. I see people that work and go to nursing school full-time and they DO it - well. How do you do it?? I confess, I envy you. I want to do what you do.

What's the trick?

Is there a special formula?

So.....these are the questions I am throwing out there for everyone and to "bribe" you for this info, I am choosing to host a giveaway. I am "raffling off" a $25 gift card. The winner will get to choose from one following:

Barnes and Nobles
RunningSkirts.com
Target
Dicks Sporting Goods
Starbucks

MANDATORY FOR ENTRY - Comment to this blog and leave me your best "student success" tip. You must leave at least ONE bit of advice for me. However, each success tip gets you an additional entry.

FOR ADDITIONAL ENTRIES (one entry each)
    - Become a follower of my blog and comment to let me know you did
    - Post something on your blog linking back to this giveaway and comment to let me know you did
    - Post on your Facebook wall linking back to this giveaway and comment to let me know you did

Ends on June 3rd. I will randomly select and announce the winner on June 4th.

Good luck!! Can't wait to read all my advice!!

Slow and EEEEEASY......and 5k

2010-05-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

My new focus - SLOW & EASY. That I what I have learned this weekend.

It started when my friend, Mer, and I ran yesterday morning for 2 miles. We decided to meet at a local high school and run on the track. It was so great! We said from the beginning we were running an "easy 2 miles". I wanted to get in a run, but knew that I was running 3 miles with Coach T today and didn't want to overdo it. Yes, we did a 14 min pace, but it was so lovely. Ideally, I could have bumped it up a little, but that was not the plan. The plan was "an easy 2 miles" and it felt awesome. It was nice to just jog and catch up with my friend instead of pushing harder, trying to listen instead of focusing on the fact that I am dying/hurting, and hardly being able to join in the conversation because I cant breathe.

Then, this morning, Coach ran a 5k with me. It was AWESOME! I can say I really enjoyed it. We kept it slow & easy because I wanted to preserve my energy so I can actually finish well. We got to the half way point and I felt great. At 2 miles, T asked how I felt and I was getting a little tired, but still felt pretty good. We got to 2.5 miles and I said, "This is awesome! Let's do 3.1, just for fun!" And she then gave me my surprise that I was intended to get later. "We already were going to do that!" The last 1/4 mile, I told her to gradually speed up & I would keep up w/ her. I ran easy and finished strong. THAT is exactly how I want to race next weekend.

I can say that after today's run, I am REALLY excited about my Comeback 5k next weekend. I have decided I do not care about a finishing time, I just want to run the race and run it well. I will have Mer running with me and T and G are coming back to run the last part with me when they finish. I think I will have them pick up speed again and I just follow them in. It will be so much fun! I just know it!!!!

Oh yeah.....if you can't tell how happy I am, here is a picture to show just how I felt after running the "practice 5k" today.

Happy Sunday!!

"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment."
~Norman Vincent Peale

First I'd like to thank......

2010-05-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

I am WAY excited!! Only 34 days into my entry into the bloggy world and I have received my first blog award!

So.....first I'd like to thank the Academy...... (always wanted to say that!) HaHaHa!! Really, thanks so much to Erica over at I Run Because... I Can for deeming ME worthy of being

I fo sho will accept this award! To formally accept this award, here are 7 things about moi......

I have NEVER in my life been into anything even remotely athletic prior to becoming a mom. I still do not consider myself even a little athletic - or even "a runner". I just run.
I run because about 2 years ago, I was exercising and running/training and I lost almost 50 lbs. Once life happened and running fell drastically on the priority list, I gained it ALL BACK.
When I stopped running, I became depressed and overall unhappy w/ ME - how I looked, felt, etc.
I have recently started running again and it feels so so SO GREAT! No matter how hard the run is, it never fails that my run is the highlight of my day.
While I don't yet run as much as I wish I could, I don't see me stopping again - ever. I feel like I NEED to run - for me, my sanity, my happyness, my health, my parenting, my marriage......
The first race I ever ran was a 5k, pushing my 9mth old in the stroller, and 12-weeks pregnant. It was really, really tough, but with all the factors involved, I often don't consider this my "first" race. I often forget about it - probably just blocked it out.....
The farthest I have ever run is a 10k. I often think of doing a half marathon some day. Once this thought occurs, the smart voice in my head says, "Are you crazy? Insane? OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!?!" I then wake up and the thought is gone.

Here is my list of the fabulous that I am passing on the title of "The Versatile Blogger":

Coach T @ Racing With Babes

Anonymous Fat Girl

Allison @ No Time for Flash Cards

Tricia @ Endurance Isn't Only Physical

G @ Neurosis of the Stay at Home Mom of 3

Prior Fat Girl

Cammy @ Tippy Toe Diet

Dallas B @ OBX Running Mama

Fat Daddy @ Fat Daddy Rants

Jack @ Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit

Busy Running Mama

Diane @ Fit to the Finish

Melissa @ Chasing Cheerios

I know it is not quite 15, but I don't have any others that I follow yet! I am working on up-ing my numbers. Its hard to keep up w/ tons & tons of blogs. I don't know how you all do it!!

“I'll take any trophy. I don't care what it says on it.”
~Mary-Louise Parker

Getting It In

2010-05-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that everything seems to get thrown out of whack and nothing goes the way it is supposed to. Normally, when this happens, I get nothing done, I pout all day about how nothing is going right. Today, was a little different.

Last night, the hubby and I discussed that, because I was working a late evening shift, I would have a little freedom in the morning to sleep in - or whatever I chose. I chose to sleep a little late, then get up to get my 3 miles in. This did not happen. Unexpectedly, I had to change plans and we were gone all morning and some of the afternoon.

I was pretty bummed about all of this because I REALLY wanted to run & didn't know how I would get it in otherwise. This forced me to choose - be disappointed and do nothing OR get creative.

I ended up deciding I may not get my 3 miles in, but I would get something in. I made a meatloaf for dinner, so I put the meatloaf and potatoes in the oven, put the munchkins in the stroller, and we went for a run at 7:00 last night. By the time we got back, the meatloaf was done and I felt so great!

I am proud of myself because I didn't let a little change stop me from getting a work out in. May not have been what I intended, but it was SOMETHING and it wasn't easy because I was pushing a little over 100 pounds.

I am thinking of running with them whenever I am unable to run alone. That is definitely better than no run at all......

Here is a picture of me and the munchkins after our run:

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"
- Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian and sub-2:12 marathoner

Mental Support for 3 miles

2010-05-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran with Coach T for my 1st 3 mile run for my 5k training. I must say that I am SO glad that I asked her to run with me. She REALLY got me over the mental mountain I had going on.

There were quite a few times I told her "You know....we are going so slow, we could probably walk faster" and every time, she replied "but we're not going to do that because you can do this." She even threatened to smear my name on the internet if I stopped and walked! Humph! The nerve!And while I couldn't appreciate it as much as I do as I type this, I can say now that I love her for it. Yes, T, you were right, I am SO glad you kept me going.

There really is nothing like having your own personal cheerleader with you on a run. I mean, I love my solo runs. They allow me to clear my head and have 20/30/40 minutes of time to myself to think (or NOT think). BUT......to have mental support for the 3 miles today was really great and I plan to run with T again at least one more time before the race and during the race to help me bring it in strong.

Here we are after the run. As Busy Running Mama put it........How cute am I???? Also, for the record, T, the smile is NOT fake. I am smiling a real smile through post-run pain!

"My other legs are Kenyan."
~Seen on a bumper sticker

Pure Suckage......

2010-05-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

I just finished running what I am sure to be the WORST run I have ever had. Well, the worst if you don't count the Am Fam 5k I ran pushing the boy munchkin when I was 12 wks pregnant w/ the girl munchkin.....and the Anabelle's Angels 5k a few months after the girl munchkin was born.....and..... Enough! You get my point!!

It started with me walking out the door thinking "Ugh! It's hot out here! I could just do this later this evening....." But I knew that was not even realistic. Plus, I was dressed and ready for 30 minutes of just me & the pavement.

I had a hunch before I left the neighborhood that this could possibly be a tough one, but I had no idea how tough. I felt good mentally, but my body felt like I was running on cinderblock feet attached to legs made of lead.

All in all, it took me 40 minutes to get through 2.84 miles - I walked 1/4 mile of it. I wasnt too thrilled about walking. I kept thinking, "Mind over Matter.....Mind over Matter." But the truth is that Mind and Matter were thinking the same thing - "Walk, you dummy!"

I am positive that I was one of those runners you drive by that looks like its so painful that you want to stop and drive them the rest of the way. It was painful.....and hot.......and HARD.....but I am proud because I got my run in and now, I feel GREAT! I can hold my head high the rest of the day knowing that I DID IT. That is why I run....why I push through the pain and struggle....So I can say "I Did It!!!"

I will do it again and it will be better. Otherwise, I am really worried about the race coming up in 2 1/2 weeks......

"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." ~John Wooden

Getting it off my chest.........Then, moving on.

2010-05-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

So I am a bit displeased with myself today. I am finally realizing that I am not going to get that A or B in my classes for this semester and it just PISSES ME OFF! I can only be pissed off at one person though - ME. I have done okay, but nowhere close to where I wanted to be. I can't get into a good nursing school without A's and maybe one B. What the hell am I doing here if I am not going to do what I gotta do & do it RIGHT?!?!?!

I decided that I will allow myself this ONE "poor me" session and then I am moving on, so....

The real question is WHY?

Q: Why didn't I get the grade?
A: I didn't keep my focus as I should have. I didn't put my classes at a higher priority than other things.

Q: Why wasn't I able to keep my focus?
A: I had trouble keeping my focus because LIFE happened many times. I worked too much. I had no breaks from kids. I didn't always put my classes at a higher priority than other things.

Q: Why did other things get in the way?
A: I DIDN'T ALWAYS PUT MY CLASSES AT A HIGHER PRIORITY THAN OTHER THINGS.

The next question is WHAT am I going to do to fix this "problem"?

Create a study/life schedule and stick to it.
Commit to a maximum number of hours of work each week and work no more than that number.
No work = No play
ASK FOR HELP
NO EXCUSES!

This summer I am taking 1 class online and 1 class on-campus. I want to see which works best for me.

Bottom line is that there is no excuse for this semester. I CAN do this. I WANT to do this. I have COMMITTED to doing this. So..... I am GOING to do this.

Stay tuned in August for...... "Yahoo!!!! I DID IT!!!" (or something like that)

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.
~Herb Caen

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
~William James

It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves.
~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

A case of runner's envy

2010-04-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

A super quick post for now.... Must go pick up the munchkins.

This morning, I dropped my kids off for playgroup at G's house for a couple hours so I could go to the library to get some semester-ending work done. On the 7 minute drive to the library, I saw like 5 people running and the only thought I had was, "No fair!!" Yes....I was JEALOUS. I haven't run AT ALL this week and I am dying to get out!!!

This week, I SO wish I had a treadmill, because the Mr's work schedule is not working for me at all! I have been so edgy w/ my kids for 2 days now and I know it's because I have not had any stress-relief!!!

These feelings are definitely a first for me, so I HAD to share. Off to get my sweet little monsters now! Happy Wednesday!!

My First Race

2010-04-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Annabelle's Angels 5K

September 2008

Training Dilemmas

2010-04-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

My goal for the Autism 5k is 31:00. That's a 10-minute mile. I am trying REALLY hard for optimism, but at this moment, I am thinking that may be too ambitious of a goal. I am starting week 4 of my training and have yet to run even a 11:30 mile. I DID run 11:55 average the other day when running with friends, but running alone, I am consistently a 12:20/12:30 mile runner.

I looked back at some of my runs I did for the last race I trained for (2 years ago), and my pace was on average 10:30-11:00. That was a tad slower than I originally told Coach T I had been running. I told her I was at a 10 min mile. Not intentional, just false memory.

So now I ask myself, do I keep pushing and shoot for the moon, even though it's pretty cloudy? OR.... Do I shoot for a 11:30 mile average for the race?
I have never trained with a time goal in mind, so I have no idea of how to go about it. I want to do more than just "finish" this race.

This is my Comeback Race. I want it to be - No, it's got to be.....special.

"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

-William Faulkner

Its not you.....Its me.

2010-04-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Dear 12 minute mile,
I want you to know that I have enjoyed the "thing" we've had going for the past 3 weeks. It has been great to begin my journey with you , but I must move on. Please know, its not you....its me. I need more out of my runs. I want more speed than you can give me.

Okay, the truth is, I have found someone else. This morning, my legs met 11+ minute mile, and I don't think we can go back. I have goals that I want to accomplish and you, 12, just can't take me there.

I am sure we will cross paths a few times in the future, but you are no longer my #1.

See you around,
Me

"Ask yourself: 'Can I give more?'. The answer is usually: 'Yes'." -Paul Tergat, Kenyan professional marathoner

Can I do that again??

2010-04-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I had one of those runs that define the reason for why we run. It was refreshing, challenging, therapeutic......just a great run. All I could think after I was done was, "I could do that again!! TODAY is going to be a good day!"

I have been thinking about my morning run all day. Even during the stress of my day, I could go back to that 24 minutes of the day and..... simple happyness.

I simply LOVE when I finish a run with the feeling that nothing in the world is bad. A good run makes it seem all okay, don't you think?

"I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs."
-Jesse Owens

I wanna be like her

2010-04-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

This morning, my daughter, "Pear", was excited about new barrettes I bought for her, so we sat and played and put barettes in each others hair. Well, actually, about 5 of the 25-30 went into my hair, but anyway.... I put all of the "bows" in her hair and then I took a picture so 1, she could see what she looked like, and 2, because I thought I might want to remember her look or show it to others.

Here is what she looked like when we were done.

Now, to me, she looked pretty wacky. Don't get me wrong, CUTE, but wacky hair. Pear, on the other hand, took one look at her picture and, without hesitation, said, "I look so pretty!"

At that very moment, I thought, "Geez! I want to be like that."

I want to be able to take one glance in the mirror and think, "I look so pretty!"

I want to think of myself in that way, without hesitation or second thought, no matter what I am wearing or what others may think at that very moment.

I want to be like my daughter - confident, happy & self-assured.

“So many of our dreams at first seems impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” - Christopher Reeve

Enlightment

2010-04-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

When I decided to start this blog, it took me a few days to actually submit my first post. I wasn't sure what I should say, how I wanted it to go, etc. Then, I stumble upon this on a new blog I have been reading, Anonymous Fat Girl. This days post was a guest post by Cammy and it REALLY spoke to me.

It is all about how we treat our friends better than we treat ourselves. We forgive our friends for their mess-ups and encourage them when they are down and speak kindly to them, but in the same way, we treat ourselves like crap.

I confess that I am SO guilty of this. Lately, my self-image is worse than it has ever been. I sometimes get so bothered by my previous almost-successes (read failures) that I can't stand ME. While I have known that this is something I need to work on, I have never taken any steps to actually change my thoughts and feelings about myself.....until I read this. It is so true, especially for me. I can motivate and cheer on and console every friend I have, but when it comes to myself, I am my own offender.

From this day on, I have decided to treat ME better. I want to be my own best friend. I want to find joy within myself, not seek it out from others. I will no longer hold ME back.

In some ways, I have already started this. I am running again, I am eating better (not perfect, but definitely better), and I am working on positive self-talk. I'm a work-in-progress.

Didn't get here overnight, so I certainly won't change overnight. I am in it for the long haul this time, so bring it on..........

I have a feeling that THIS is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Who am I? Why am I here?

2010-04-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

I am a 30 year old mother and wife that is happy with every aspect with my life accept for myself. I am a good wife and an awesome mother. I pride myself on my dedication to my family and can say that I am genuinely a good person. But here, none of that matters because this blog is about me and when I think of me or look at me in the mirror, I don't see or think of someone I particularly like. This is not good - its actually quite bad.

I am here for the same reason that many people choose to blog - to share my thoughts, to record my successes and failures, and for some level of accountability throughout my journey.

What journey am I on, you ask? I am on a journey to live healthier, feel better, and become as happy with me as I can be. I have started this journey before, as most of us, but I took a few wrong turns and now seem to be back where I began. I am determined that THIS IS IT. It is now time, to do what I've got to do to be better.

Hope you enjoy the ride!